Gold Medal

I’ve never won a gold medal. 
I imagine it would fantastic, right? 
But that solid gold must not feel like a Hawaiian lei. 
It would not feel light around my neck.
Rather it would tug down on me. 
Like the numerous emotions pulling at my heart. 
I can physically feel the weight. 
Loneliness. Depression. Anger. Anxiety. 
A twister of feelings battling for center stage.
A fight to take me to the death. 
I cannot, I will not, admit who I want to be victorious. 
Unfortunately this war will not be over soon. 
The collateral damage will be beyond upsetting. 
No amount of negotiation can cease this argument. 
I am forced to sit here and wait it out. 
Go on living, trying to ignore the chains around my neck. 
I long for someone to come and set me free. 
If only this long-term nightmare would end. 
If only there was a way it could all just go away. 
I know it's pointless thinking of the impossible.
I don’t see the hurt ending soon, or ever. 
All I wanted was a gold medal. 
Instead I was given a golden chain of anguish.
I have countless memories that will haunt me. 
Sleepless nights are a usual occurrence for me. 
I wish I could say I will continue fighting back. 
I wish I could say I will never give up. 
It's hard when the future of my nights is leaking eyes. 
Tears and a heavy heart weigh me down. 
If sleep comes over me, only traumatic dreams await. 
May peace someday find my soul. 
Until then, I urge you to take my advice. 
Never lust over a gold medal.
You never know what the pretty things in life are hiding.
A smile can hide a world of hurt. 
Nothing can guarantee your happiness.

Author: Lizzie

I am the one you never really knew.

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