I’ve never won a gold medal. I imagine it would feel great. But that solid gold must not feel like lei. Rather it would tug down on you. Like the numerous emotions pulling at my heart. I can physically feel the weight. Lonely. Depressed. Angry. Joyful. Offended. A twister of feelings battling for center stage. A fight to the death. I cannot admit who I want to be victorious. But this war will not be over soon. The collateral damage will be upsetting. No amount of negotiation would cease this argument. I am forced to sit here. Sit here and try to ignore the chains around my neck. I long for someone to come and set me free. End this long-term nightmare. Take it all away. Impossible thinking is pointless. I don’t see the hurt ending soon. All I wanted was a gold medal. Instead I was given chains of painful thoughts. Thoughts that will haunt me. A sleepless night ahead. I wish I could say I will fight back. I wish I could say I won’t give up. But the future of my night is leaking eyes. Tears and a heavy heart. And if sleep shall come over me. Only traumatic dreams await. May peace find my soul. And I urge you to take my advice. Never lust over a gold medal. Even the most appealing things in life do not guarantee happiness.