I’ve never won a gold medal. I imagine it would fantastic, right? But that solid gold must not feel like a Hawaiian lei. It would not feel light around my neck. Rather it would tug down on me. Like the numerous emotions pulling at my heart. I can physically feel the weight. Loneliness. Depression. Anger. Anxiety. A twister of feelings battling for center stage. A fight to take me to the death. I cannot, I will not, admit who I want to be victorious. Unfortunately this war will not be over soon. The collateral damage will be beyond upsetting. No amount of negotiation can cease this argument. I am forced to sit here and wait it out. Go on living, trying to ignore the chains around my neck. I long for someone to come and set me free. If only this long-term nightmare would end. If only there was a way it could all just go away. I know it's pointless thinking of the impossible. I don’t see the hurt ending soon, or ever. All I wanted was a gold medal. Instead I was given a golden chain of anguish. I have countless memories that will haunt me. Sleepless nights are a usual occurrence for me. I wish I could say I will continue fighting back. I wish I could say I will never give up. It's hard when the future of my nights is leaking eyes. Tears and a heavy heart weigh me down. If sleep comes over me, only traumatic dreams await. May peace someday find my soul. Until then, I urge you to take my advice. Never lust over a gold medal. You never know what the pretty things in life are hiding. A smile can hide a world of hurt. Nothing can guarantee your happiness.